Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more…because we come here to finish a college football season that I have fucking hated. But it’s time for the best teams in the country to face off to ring in 2015, so here we are again. I’m happy to join all of you again, but my brain is mainly occupied with the news that IT’S HAPPENING.
YASSSSS!
Welcome to the Addison Recorder‘s football Pick ‘Em column. Each week Alex and a guest writer will predict the outcome of the most intriguing games on the slate. He will try to be as expert as possible, but we make no guarantees for his guests.
It’s rivalry week, so we’re bringing back the guy who has a standing slap bet with Bean about the outcome of The Game between Michigan and Ohio State. Bean deeply regrets this bet placed five years ago, by the way. (Travis holds no such regrets.)
Bean knows just how you feel, Marcus Hall.
Bean: What’s left to say? This game in Columbus is the end of the Brady Hoke era at Michigan. It has been four years of ridiculous and stupid football. I will not miss it. May next year bring a coach who can…actually coach. This game? On Saturday? Oh, fuck. It will be a slaughter. Last year’s edition looked that way, too, and became an instant-classic decided on a failed two-point conversion with seconds left. That ain’t happening in Columbus. Buckeyes by 
.
Travis: Oh, the joys that come with slapping another man full in the face. The thrill of the moment. The tension of the wind-up. The sudden uncertainty that besets you as your wayward limb begins its acceleration and ascent – what if I miss? The rush of blood that comes as your hand reaches full extension, fingers splayed, the realization that yes, this slap will happen, and it will be good. The blow. The aftermath, falling away in triumph as your opponent collapses into a whimpering pile. The august joy of victory. Oh, this is a glorious thing. Buckeyes by a Bear Flipping a Table. ʕ•ᴥ•ʔノ ︵ ┻━┻ [Read more…]
Welcome to the Addison Recorder‘s football Pick ‘Em column. Each week Alex and a guest writer will predict the outcome of the most intriguing games on the slate. He will try to be as expert as possible, but we make no guarantees for his guests.
This week he is joined by Rick Bush, friend from Bowling Green, Notre Dame fan, and fantasy football commissioner. Insert your baked beans jokes here.
Welcome to the Addison Recorder‘s football Pick ‘Em column. Each week Alex and a guest writer will predict the outcome of the most intriguing games on the slate. He will try to be as expert as possible, but we make no guarantees for his guests.
This week he is joined by Ryan Halfhill and David Castellano, who are in a fantasy football league with Bean. (Editor’s Note: <runs for the hills> – Travis) (Editor’s Note: <run for your life!> -Bruce Dickinson)
No one thinks that Paul Bunyan will be leaving East Lansing.
Bean: I don’t wanna talk about it. Spartans by JUST FUCKING FIRE HOKE AND BRANDON ALREADY!
Castellano: Like the rest of college football, I am still looking for a sport to enjoy on Saturday, but If I need to pick a winner in a blowout…. Condoms (Spartans)… by a load!
Halfhill: Normally, I’d say there needs to be someone to play devil’s advocate, but there is no way that I see the Rabid Woodchucks pulling off an upset in this one. Spartans by 16. That accounts for a SAFETY. [Read more…]
WELCOME TO THE DARKNESS
Welcome to the Addison Recorder‘s football Pick ‘Em column. Each week Alex and a guest writer will predict the outcome of the most intriguing games on the slate. He will try to be as expert as possible, but we make no guarantees for his guests.
Wet dog = victorious cat. LOGIC
At the top of this article is Big Ten commissioner Jim Delany being interviewed by ESPN. Look into his eyes. They see nothing. There is no future. The past is only pain. Delany is only in the present and the present is The Darkness. Everything is The Darkness. This week’s picks from Alex are inspired by The Darkness. They will be expressed via gifs & images from The Darkness’s favorite TV show: Hannibal. All gifs via Tumblr.
To wit, this is a game between Nebraska, who are lead by Bo Pellini’s cat, and a bunch of faux-Spartans who are the best and most morally defensible football team in the state of Michigan right now. THE CAT SHALL TRIUMPH BY 5. [Read more…]