Welcome to the Addison Recorder‘s football Pick ‘Em column. Each week Alex and a guest writer will predict the outcome of the most intriguing games on the slate. He will try to be as expert as possible, but we make no guarantees for his guests.
Cincinnati at #22 Ohio State
An all-Ohio showdown! It’s reached the point where I prefer talking about this to discussing Michigan’s chances of retaining the Little Brown Jug.
The Buckeyes have already suffered an upset at home at the hands of a Virginia Tech team that subsequently lost their next two games. OSU whipped some cupcake the next week, but this is team is not the Death Star its immediate predecessors were. Cincinnati has unleashed new QB Gunner Kiel in their first two games to the tune of 689 yards and 10 TDs. <thinks about Michigan’s passing stats across four games and then dies> Anyway, The Bearcats will blitz like crazy and try to hit a lot of big pass plays. Ohio State will runrunrun and try not to get behind the chains or implode in the secondary. This week, I think they fail to do so. Why? To quote the Bible “Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘VENGEANCE IS MINE, I WILL REPAY,’ says the Lord.” Bearcats by 10
As a former Columbus resident who used to live a little too close to campus, I am not normally inclined to side with Buckeyes fans, as they are the worst. That said, my family still lives close to campus and I don’t want their cars to be set on fire, which would surely happen if the Buckeyes lost to Cincinnati. Here’s hoping for a win for Ohio State by 7.
#11 UCLA at #15 Arizona State
Another upset! I called for UCLA to stumble against Texas two weeks ago and was almost right. THE BRUINS SHALL BE MINE THIS TIME! Arizona State is the defending Pac-12 South champs and have looked as efficient and deadly as ever this year. Since the game is in Tempe, that seals it for me. Sun Devils by 14.
The state of Arizona, while prettier in parts, manages to have fewer redeeming qualities than LA. Bruins by 10.
Minnesota at Michigan
Switched this one on ya, Meryl. I have nothing to say about Mizzou at South Carolina except that Hatin’ Ass Steve Spurrier will get his Gamecocks a win (That sentence is not nearly as naughty as it sounds). So instead I get another chance to be miserable about the Wolverines. This game will suck! On the one hand, Minnesota won last week’s game with 7 passing yards. SEVEN YARDS. On the other hand, Michigan failed to even reach the Red Zone against Notre Dame and Utah. The entire offense was outscored by Defensive Tackle Willie Henry. This will be the stupidest pillow fight of the season. I will have to watch it because fandom is stupid. IT DOES NOT MATTER WHO WINS BECAUSE BEAN WILL LOSE A LOT OF BRAIN CELLS AND HEALTHY LIVER TISSUE (Editor’s Note: I interpret this as Michigan wins by 3. – TC)
The above paragraph makes very little sense to me and I don’t know why we’re yelling! ‘Minnesota’ is more fun to say than ‘Michigan’. Golden Gophers by 11.
Northwestern at Penn State
I know people that cheer for these schools, so I am prepared for some amount of hate. But they can’t hate me more than I hate watching Michigan play football, so…there. Northwestern has been putrid to start the season, which is to be expected since they lost almost all of their most-talented players to graduation/transfers/injuries/Angry Evanston-Hating God. They’re not the kind of program that can just reload. Penn State used to be just such a program, but then…well, you all remember how Joe Paterno’s tenure ended. Under new coach James Franklin, the Nittany Lions are very thin all around due to NCAA sanctions…and yet they’ve been winning. In queasy and unsustainable fashion, but winning is winning. I will just assume they keep that up. Nittany Lions by 6.
Poor Northwestern. I’ll pull for them — Wildcats by 7.
Green Bay at Chicago
The oldest rivalry in the NFL! Despite just hating the shit out of the NFL for weeks and seriously considering giving up on it entirely in favor of the English Premier League, I do still like this game. It’s a long-running, evenly-played, and full of mutual hatred. Just like the NFL and college football should be. That’s almost never the case, of course. As for the game itself, I have no idea. But the game is at Soldier Field and we’re based in Chicago, so…BEARS BY A MILLION
I don’t want our Chicago readers to set me on fire. Go Bears! Bears by 6.