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Pop culture dispatches from the Great Lakes

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Pop culture dispatches from the Great Lakes

Anaheim Ducks

the Fifth Line: Holiday Gifts

December 24, 2014 by -J. 2 Comments

Happy Holidays!

I’ve been really busy this season, so I still haven’t finished my Christmas shopping. I have no idea to get folks on my list. I started looking yesterday afternoon, and it is an utterly daunting task. Totally unrelated, I’ve been making a list of things I could get various NHL teams, if I had unlimited resources. As I run around looking for last-minute gifts for real people, I’d like to share with you the fake gifts I would give to these teams.

2009_11_19_cta_holiday_train_01

“A Stanley Cup, eh? Ho ho ho! Don’t you think you need some better Fenwick numbers before Santa tries to get you past the Blackhawks?”

[Read more…]

Posted in: Hockey, Sports Tagged: All-Star Game, Anaheim Ducks, Boston Bruins, Buffalo Sabres, Calgary Flames, Carolina Hurricanes, Chicago Blackhawks, Colorado Avalanche, Columbus Blue Jackets, Connor McDavid, Edmonton Oilers, Jack Eichel, Jakub Voracek, mumps, New York Islanders, Philadelphia Flyers, Pittsburgh Penguins, salay cap, Scorch, St. Louis Blues, Zemgus Girgensons

the Fifth Line: the NHL’s Flying Circus

December 4, 2014 by -J. Leave a Comment

That was an interesting week of hockey. Chicago picked up wins while avoiding the circus (literally), Martin Brodeur is now a Blue, the NHL suddenly is very interested in vaccines, and we were treated to Jack Edwards belly-aching about not the Bruins getting the Black Friday afternoon game.

We’ll start with the circus, because everybody loves the big top. Except the Blackhawks’ GM.

Circus is Back in Chicago

The Blackhawks closed out November with its annual circus trip, a two-week tour through the arenas of NHL teams in the Mountain and Pacific time zones. It’s called the “circus trip” because the gods-damned Ringling Bros. kick the ‘Hawks out of the United Center for two weeks. Seriously.

629-59Zr0.AuSt.55The trip was a bounty of wins (5-1-0), and the team returned home last night, stomping the St. Louis Blues to the tune of 4-1. The line of Brad Richards, Patrick Kane, and Kris Versteeg shredded St. Louis in the 3rd period, continuing their November ascendance. The Blackhawks’ second line has been damn near unstoppable of late. Chicago was lauded for taking a one-year chance on the aging Richards after the Rangers kicked him to the curb to save money. But Richards was also a risk — he’s in the twilight of his career, and was demoted to the Rangers’ fourth line in the playoffs last season. So far, though, he’s turned into the second-line center that Kane needed all of last year. [Read more…]

Posted in: Hockey, Sports Tagged: Anaheim Ducks, Brad Richards, Buffalo Sabres, Chicago Blackhawks, circus, Corey Crawford, Jakub Voracek, Jeremy Morin, Kris Versteeg, mumps, Philadelphia Flyers, Ryan Suter, St. Lous Blues, Tyler Ennis

the Fifth Line: Rosen-Kane & Guilden-Toews are Dead

November 13, 2014 by -J. 1 Comment

Watching the Chicago Blackhawks eke out a victory against the Tampa Bay Lightning on Tuesday was a harrowing experience. Once again, the puck seemed bound and determined to give probability the slip. Chicago was approaching 30 shots on goal with nary a point in sight!

I joked on Twitter that the Blackhawks were bending probability worse than the coin in Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead.

tumblr_n4lwj1bxKz1s6f6tno1_400

Then I realized that Tom Stoppard’s play was actually the perfect lens through which to talk about probability and absurdity in the NHL. Assembled below are aspects of the play, characters, and relevant quotes all mashed them up with their NHL equivalent. Despite the title above, Kane and Toews aren’t who I’ve lined up to play R&G — that comes at the end, naturally. Instead, Chicago is best represented by that damn coin.

The Coin: Chicago Blackhawks

A weaker man might be moved to re-examine his faith, if in nothing else at least in the law of probability.

[Read more…]

Posted in: Hockey, Sports Tagged: Anaheim Ducks, Buffalo Sabres, Chicago Blackhawks, Colorado Avalance, Columbus Blue Jackets, Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead, Sidney Crosby

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