“Thoughts I Had During the 2013 Baseball Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony

baseball hall of fame

This past weekend, the National Baseball Hall of Fame welcomed the Class of 2013 to its hallowed doors in Cooperstown. I thought about watching it, but realized that I don’t have cable. Instead, I chose to let my mind ramble as I overlooked proceedings whilst undercover in Southwestern Ohio. The following is a near-exact transcript of my thoughts regarding….well, I tried to keep focused on the Hall of Fame. I really did. But after about – strike that, I can’t even muster a printed lie about it, so I’ll just admit it: I instantly lost my train of thought. Observe below.

  • Hmm, I wonder if there’s any bread in the bread box. If there is, I’m totes calling dibs on the PB&J Special.
  • How many YouTube hits does “Shipoopi” have?….(pause for investigation)….”Huh.”
  • I hear that Gaelic Storm was in “Titanic”. I’m unsure as to where that would be, as I only actually seem to remember two scenes, really, that didn’t involve a disrobed Kate Winslet.
  • Has anyone ever noticed how much we’ve stopped using the word “toll” as a verb? Specifically related to the sounding of large brass (or steel) instruments of a dangly nature? I mean, apart from naming the Hemingway book, does anyone ever find themselves in a conversation going: “What time, you say? Why, the toll sounded at 4 and one quarter not ten seconds ago! And the cavalry have blown the trumpet charge and ol’ Grant is running down the rebs even as we speak!”
  • I originally had that half-baked conversation as a London street-corner in my imagination, but somehow it was invaded by Civil-War era Maryland. Wonder how often THAT comes up in conversation.
  • Gosh, Dayton gets dull during the weekdays. Oh, wait. I’m not in Dayton. I’m in a potato patch. And it seems to be lacking its potatoes.
  • Oh, I already seem to have picked them up.
  • There is a considerable amount of dirt under my fingernails. I must see to getting that eliminated.
  • My associate was last seen trailing a Lumineers tour bus. This does not bode well, as he despises the Lumineers. I fear for their safety.
  • Speaking of the Lumineers, what do you call a promiscuous Lumineers fan who has stumbled into a bale of alfalfa?
  • A Ho, Hay,
  • A slow news week. But even if you’re feeling bored, you’re not 1/10th as bored as ANY POOR BASTARD at the Hall of Fame Induction Ceremony this weekend.
  • Even Wolfman would be bored.
  • All work and no play makes Travis bored to all hell.
  • Oh, look, a potato. Toll the bells!
  • Proving once again to have an utterly inept grasp of technology, I somehow blew through four months of data on my smart phone trying to download one song.
  • Granted, it was “Thrift Shop”, but that’s neither here nor there.
  • Seriously, nobody was inducted this year?
  • Well, I guess that’s not true. Props to Deacon White, Hank O’Day, and Jacob Ruppert. You know, one of the guys who refused to let non-whites play baseball. Yeah, HE’S in the Hall of Fame.
  • Who feels awesome?
  • Where wolves? There wolves!
  • Would you like to have a “Ho, Hey” in the Hay?
  • IT’S FUN.
  • Zorro, I don’t think you’ve got that squirrel cornered in the tree. No, I really don’t think so.
  • I promise you, it’s not there. Would I lie to you?
  • Oh, how do I know? Seeing as the squirrel is five trees away LAUGHING at you, I think you’ve lost this one.
  • Yes, I think he’s a little bastard, too.
  • Yes, they’re all little bastards.
  • Alright, we can play rope toss.
  • Which is more toss than any HOF inductees are getting this weekend! HO. (Hey)
  • (Slow news day)
  • (Ho hey)

Travis J. Cook

Travis J. Cook is the Editor-in-Chief and one of the original founders of the Addison Recorder. He writes about baseball, movies, and music, among other topics. He resides in a hole in the ground near Wrigley Field.

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